Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
