holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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