I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
