It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
