Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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