i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
