Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
