I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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