i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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