I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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