I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
