im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Bang-toberfest begins!!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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