Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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