idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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