there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
