cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
