He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
