So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
