i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
