pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize