Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
