Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You were trust falling into bushes
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
