but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
