I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
