I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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