Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
