bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I have fence marks all over my body
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
