If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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