im gay
i know
yea but for you.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
