We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
