the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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