I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
