from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
