i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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