No awkward lesbian experiences without me
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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