you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
