I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so let's talk penis.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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