one two three fourrrrnication!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
