My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
