Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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