No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
