please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize