Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize