Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
