the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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