He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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