I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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