There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
