So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
