I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
