So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
