Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
