I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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