So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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