I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
