toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
