My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize