remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
