If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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