Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
