That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
