Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
