There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
