I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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