This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
