I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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