Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize