Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
should my penis look like a turkey
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
