Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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