i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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