I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
zippers are such a cool invention
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
