I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
