ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
