All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
