I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
