i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I could fuck to npr.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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