hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
